Biker Jokes

>> Friday, December 31, 2004

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.

"Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yep, that's me." God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "Hold on.

"God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

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Texas Issues First Motorcycle Plates for State Officials

>> Thursday, December 30, 2004

Texas State Representative Norma Chavez is the first person in Texas to get a special motorcycle license plate for state officials. Previously, license plates stamped "State Official" were only available for cars.

The El Paso Democrat had been requesting the plate since she bought her 1994 midnight blue "baby" in 2000. She said she is the only female Texas legislator who rides a motorcycle and she was the first to request the plate.
Increased demand for specialty motorcycle license plates prompted the Texas Department of Transportation to others. Other motorcycle plates available now include messages such as "God Bless America," "Fight Terrorism" and "Native Texan".

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New Orleans Motorcycle Cops Now Write Electronic Citations

The IndUS Business Journal writes earlier this month that New Orleans' fleet of 55 police motorcycles are now equipped with handheld devices that allow officers to issue citations.

Before a product like Infokall's, a police officer in New Orleans-like officers across the country--would go back to their car or motorcycle to radio in information on a driver or check the information through computerized national databases. Infokall's wireless application connects to these databases allowing the officer to take a license, swipe it through a hand-held computer and initiate a check on that person.

The hand-held device includes a bar code reader, which also enables the officer to scan the vehicle identification number of the car to check if the vehicle or the license plate were stolen. "The information is right there," Choudhary said.
Choudhary is the President of Infokall, the manufacturer of these devices. And according to the article, they're getting calls from other police departments:

And the word seems to be getting around. Choudhary said that the company just got a contract with the Temple police department in Texas, a sherrif's department in Florida and a police department in Colorado.
Someday, every police department in the nation will have these little hand held devices. They'll become so dependent on them, that they won't be able to function without them. Will cops still know how to write paper tickets when a satellite gets knocked out?

Frankly, this kind of technology troubles me. Anytime you make it easier for cops to write tickets, it simply means that more tickets will be written. Maybe some of you readers out there are cops and can attest or debunk this opinion. The article goes on to say:

According to Choudhary, an average city can lose 15 percent to 45 percent of the revenue from all tickets issued because of mistakes.
Just think how much more money can be collected by writing more tickets.

Maybe in the future, cops won't even need to pull people over. They'll be able to ride around in their cruisers, and will have these computerized-citation devices mounted in their vehicles. They just type in a license plate, and the citation is delivered by the post office. They already do this with cameras installed at intersections. Why not for everything else?

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Harley Davidson Recall Notice

>> Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Harley Davidson Motor Company issued the following recall notice on December 21, 2004:

Make / Models /Year:
HARLEY DAVIDSON / DYNA / 2005
HARLEY DAVIDSON / SOFTAIL / 2005
HARLEY DAVIDSON / SPORTSTER / 2005
HARLEY DAVIDSON / TOURING / 2005

NHTSA CAMPAIGN ID Number: 04V607000

Component: FUEL SYSTEM, GASOLINE:CARBURETOR SYSTEM

Potential Number Of Units Affected: 9,501

Summary: CERTAIN MOTORCYCLES MAY HAVE BEEN PRODUCED WITH DEFECTIVE FUEL SHUT-OFF VALVES. THE FUNCTIONALITY OF THE 'ON' POSITION AND THE 'RESERVE' POSITION OF THE VALVE MAY HAVE BEEN REVERSED.

Consequence: IF THE BIKE WERE OPERATING WITH THE VALVE IN THE 'ON' POSITION, THE BIKE COULD RUN OUT OF FUEL, THE EXPECTED FUEL RESERVE WILL NOT BE AVAILABLE. THIS COULD LEAD TO THE DRIVER RUNNING OUT OF GAS WITHOUT WARNING, INCREASING THE RISK OF A CRASH.

Remedy: DEALERS WILL INSPECT THE FUEL VALVE AND REPLACE IT, IF NECESSARY. THE RECALL IS EXPECTED TO BEGIN DURING JANUARY 2005. OWNERS SHOULD CONTACT HARLEY-DAVIDSON AT 1-414-342-4080.

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Bad Toys Agrees to Buy Gambler Motorcycles

Announced today, Bad Toys Holdings, Inc., the maker of custom V-Twin motorcycles and street rods, has signed an agreement to acquire Gambler Motorcycle Company, Inc. The acquisition is expected to be completed in January 2005.

Gambler is expected to begin producing parts for Bad Toys and American Eagle product lines.

For details, visit Yahoo.

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Is a Harley Davidson Truly Made in America?

This discussion always comes up in a forum somewhere across the Internet. It came up again this morning in a blog. The blogger listed out several parts that she feels certain is made foreign countries.

While I'm sure that several HD parts are indeed made in other countries, the fact is that there is very little of anything that is 100% made in America. The blogger notes that HD speedometers are made somewhere else. But a speedometer consists of several components. A company that builds speedometers get their parts from somewhere else also.

But I think however, that when it comes to "made in America" what we're really talking about is who is getting our money. I'd rather have my money going to a company that employs Americans in some capacity. And that's the case with Harley Davidson.

I noted earlier that Honda and Yamaha announced plans to have more of their motorcycles built in China. I know this is all economics and is about keeping prices competitive. But when someone tries to tell you that your Harley is actually built overseas, the point is that Americans still benefit from the sales of HD bikes.

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Motorcycle Funeral

>> Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Motorcycle FuneralsFor the true blue biker, take your final ride with Reverend Paul Sinclair's motorcycle hearse. He will load your casket into a specially made hearse designed as a motorcyle sidecar, and deliver you safely to your final resting place.

Sinclair claims to own Britain's first and only motorcycle sidecar hearses. He is an ordained minister working from the Oasis Christian Centre in Long Eaton, Nottingham, and has served five years as an associate pastor at Kensington Temple and thirteen years as pioneer and senior pastor in Willesden, London. He can even perform the funeral service for you.

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More Motorcycles Are Being Built in China

>> Monday, December 27, 2004

An article published today on China Daily reports that Honda and Yamaha plans to build more motorcyles in China. Honda announced that both motorcycle production in China and sales in China are expected to increase by 33% this year.

Honda also said its motorcycle exports from China will reach 220,000 units this year, an increase of 29 per cent from 2003.

Honda currently runs three motorcycle joint ventures in China with Hainan Sundiro Motorcycle Co Ltd, Guangzhou Automobile Group, Jialing Industries Co Ltd. It could very well be right now that the shiny new Rune you've been looking at was not even built by Honda, but by one of those three Chinese motorcycle builders.

Yamaha has goals to produce 1 million motorcycles in China by 2005 and increase output to 4 million units by 2010 through collaborations with local partners. It looks like future Roadstars may soon become Chinese.

Overall, China built and exported about 3 million motorcycles during the first 11 months of this year, up more than 30 per cent from a year earlier.

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Advocates for Highway and Auto Safety

>> Thursday, December 23, 2004

If you're not familiar with the Advocates for Highway and Auto Safety (AHAS), they're a lobbying group who has taken it upon themselves to get more driver safety laws on the books.

Last week they published their 2nd annual report entitled, "Report - 2005 Roadmap to State Highway Safety Laws", where they chronicle their successes and failures in getting more safety laws on the books. Among their goals for 2005 is to get more states to adopt mandatory helmet laws:

30 states still need all-rider motorcycle helmet laws. Louisiana reinstated its all-rider helmet law in 2004 after experiencing a 100 percent increase in motorcycle rider deaths since it repealed its law in 1999. Numerous states considered repealing existing all-rider helmet laws in 2004. According to the Harris Poll, 82 percent of Americans support all-rider helmet laws.
82 percent of Americans support all-rider helmet laws, but how many motorcyclists support them? What exactly does a cager or pedestrian care if a biker is strapping on a brain-bucket or not?

I remember the rallying cry of liberals in California during the 1980's when crotch rockets became the latest craze of teenaged boys. They claimed that a helmet law would reduce costs to the State's medicaid program. But yet, state Medicaid programs have steadily increased year after year, despite the implementation of helmet laws.

Heck, if liberals wanted to save Medicaid expenditures, then they ought to force cagers to wear helmets and chest protectors. They'd save more money that way.

But despite how much money that might actually save, it's not about money. It's about controlling people. Liberals often complain that the Patriot Act is taking away our freedom and liberty. Just what do they think safety laws are doing?

I want everyone to drive safely, and I want everyone to get to destination unharmed. But I don't want government legislating personal protection. It's no one's business if I wear a helmet or not.

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Long Way Round : Chasing Shadows Across the World

Long Way Round : Chasing Shadows Across the WorldA new book entitled, "Long Way Round : Chasing Shadows Across the World" is about a couple of movie actors, Ewan McGregor (The Phantom Menace, Moulin Rouge), and Charley Boorman (Deliverance, Hope and Glory), who ride their motorcycles around the world.

Leaving London in April of 2004, they headed east, going across Europe and Asia. Then they flew over the Pacific and continue on across North America, until they reached New York. The whole trip took four months.

The book is a journal of their travels documenting their adventures. According to the book:

It started as a daydream. Pouring over a map of the world at home one quiet Saturday afternoon, Ewan McGregor - actor and self-confessed bike nut - noticed that it was possible to ride all the way round the world, with just one short hop across the Bering Strait from Russia to Alaska. It was a revelation he couldn't get out of his head. So he picked up the phone and called Charley Boorman, his best friend, fellow actor and bike enthusiast. 'Charley,' he said. 'I think you ought to come over for dinner...'

From London to New York, Ewan and Charley chased their shadows through Europe, the Ukraine, Kazakhstan, Mongolia and Russia, across the Pacific to Alaska, then down through Canada and America. But as the miles slipped beneath the tyres of their big BMWs, their troubles started. Exhaustion, injury and accidents tested their strength. Treacherous roads, unpredictable weather and turbulent politics challenged their stamina. They were chased by paparazzi in Kazakhstan, courted by men with very large guns in the Ukraine, hassled by the police, and given bulls' testicles for supper by Mongolian nomads.

And yet despite all these obstacles they managed to ride over 20,000 miles in four months, changing their lives forever in the process. As they travelled they documented their trip, taking photographs, and writing diaries by the campfire. Long Way Round is the result of their adventures - a fascinating, frank and highly entertaining travel book about two friends riding round the world together and, against all the odds, realising their dream.
Long Way Round : Chasing Shadows Across the World is available from Amazon.com

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Leaning Does Not Cause a Bike to Turn

That's the conclusion of those who ride Keith Code's "No Body Steering Bike" affectionately referred to as the "No BS Bike".

An article in Popular Mechanics reports that Code, who is the founder of the California Superbike School, mounted a special set of handle bars to a ZX 6R Kawasaki, to prove that body leaning does not cause a bike to turn:

More than 100 riders have tested their body steering/leaning methods on the No B.S. Bike, and all have come away with the irrefutable conclusion: Body steering and leaning does not steer a motorcycle. Steering alone turns a bike.
Not having ridden the BS Bike, I can't really say for sure. But I've found that I have better control of the bike when I do lean into a turn, as opposed to trying to keep my body straight up.

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Biker Types Needed for Short Film

Reported on Star Search Casting, extras are needed to play the parts of a biker gang in a short film:

Billy Sparrow and The Whack-A-Mole King is a short thesis film about a down on his luck cowboy (John Williams) who 'bumps' into the eccentric Billy Sparrow. Together they try to woo back Lucy Lou, John's former girlfriend, in this racous comedy. All actors will recieve a copy of the finished film. Transportation and food will be provided. Shooting will begin January fourth and run through the fourteenth.

Breakdown Description:

Billy Sparrow: Billy is a seasoned New Yorker who is also the brains of the operation as he helps John try to get his girl back. We need an extremely eccentric person to play Billy: old young, short , odd...there are no parameters or archetypes for this role.

Extras: Need gruff types to play a biker gang and another short person to play a "penguin"
Visit the website if you need your big break into Hollywood.

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Canadian Hells Angels Launches Advertising Campaign

Ontario Hells AngelsReported last week on CTV, a Canadian television network, the Ontario wing of the Hells Angels have put up a billboard on a Toronto highway as part of a public relations campaign to improve its image.

The motorcycle gang says they want to "right the wrongs" done to them by the "government-controlled" media.

The Angels' PR campaign comes amid an ongoing trial in Barrie, Ont., north of Toronto, in which the Crown is trying to prove that the Hells Angels are a criminal organization.

If prosecutors succeed, the gang's powers could be severely limited.

The billboard reads: "Still fighting for democracy and freedom" and directs people to their website. There, the gang claims that stories written about them in local and national papers "tell you everything-- but the truth."

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European Bikers vs. American Bikers

Miker Werner, who authors the well read MotorBiker.org, offered an interesting comparison between bikers in Europe and bikers in America:

I spent most my time around Orlando and down to Ft. Myers. During the week, I probably saw about 6 motorcycles, in the weekend I saw probably 50 (most of them in groups, and almost all Harleys). The weather was sunny, sometimes cold, sometimes warm (50-70°).

On my taxi ride back from the Paris airport, I saw probably 500 motorcycles in the 30 minute ride! And the weather was freezing and wet !!!
My initial thoughts are that American bikers is more about culture, while European bikers is more about high living costs and expensive gasoline. Go to the website linked above, and you'll see several responses on this topic.

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Harley Davidson Recall Notice

>> Tuesday, December 21, 2004

On December 3, 2004, Harley Davidson Motor Company issued the following recall notice:

Make / Models / Year:
HARLEY DAVIDSON / FLHTPI (2005)

NHTSA CAMPAIGN ID Number: 04V573000

Component: SERVICE BRAKES, HYDRAULIC:ANTILOCK:ABS WARNING LIGHT

Potential Number Of Units Affected: 72

Summary: CERTAIN POLICE MOTORCYCLES WERE BUILT WITH A DEFECTIVE WIRING HARNESS. THE ANTILOCK BRAKE SYSTEM (ABS ) IS WIRED THROUGH THE SAME FUSE CIRCUIT AS THE ABS MALFUNCTION WARNING LIGHT.

Consequence: THE OPERATOR OF THE MOTORCYCLE WOULD LOSE POWER TO THE ABS WARNING LIGHT AT THE SAME TIME HE LOSES POWER TO THE ABS BRAKE SYSTEM IF THIS PARTICULAR FUSE WOULD BLOW. THE WARNING LIGHT WOULD NOT ILLUMINATE DUE TO THE LOSS OF ELECTRICAL POWER TO THE MOTORCYCLE AND THE OPERATOR MIGHT NOT BE AWARE THAT THE ABS BRAKES WERE NOT FUNCTIONAL. THE GAUGES ARE ALSO WIRED THROUGH THIS FUSE CIRCUIT AND, SHOULD THIS FUSE FLOW, WOULD ALSO CEASE TO FUNCTION.

Remedy: DEALERS WILL REPLACE THE WIRING HARNESS. THE RECALL IS EXPECTED TO BEGIN DURING DECEMBER 2004. OWNERS SHOULD CONTACT HARLEY-DAVIDSON AT 1-414-343-4056.

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Honda Recall Notice

On December 6, 2004, American Honda Motor Co. issued the following recall notice:

Make / Models / Year:
HONDA / ST1300 (2003-2004)
HONDA / ST1300A (2003-2004)

NHTSA CAMPAIGN ID Number: 04V568000

Component: ELECTRICAL SYSTEM:WIRING

Potential Number Of Units Affected: 4,345

Summary: ON CERTAIN MOTORCYCLES, THE MAIN WIRE HARNESS HAS A GROUND DISTRIBUTION CONNECTOR THAT IS INCORRECTLY ASSEMBLED. SOME ELECTRICAL CIRCUITS MAY OVERHEAT AND SHORT, INCLUDING THE FUEL PUMP.

Consequence: IF THE FUEL PUMP STOPS WORKING, THE ENGINE WILL STALL WITHOUT WARNING, WHICH COULD CAUSE A CRASH.

Remedy: DEALERS WILL INSPECT THE GROUND DISTRIBUTION CONNECTOR FOR OVERHEATING DAMAGE. IF ANY DAMAGE IS FOUND, THE WIRE HARNESS WILL BE REPLACED. IF NO DAMAGE IS FOUND, THE CONNECTORS WILL BE ASSEMBLED PROPERLY. THE RECALL IS EXPECTED TO BEGIN DECEMBER 13, 2004. OWNERS SHOULD CONTACT HONDA AT 866-784-1870.

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Ducati Recall Announced

On December 7, 2004, Ducati North America issued the following recall notice:

Make/Models/Year :
DUCATI 749S (2003)
DUCATI 999 (2003)
DUCATI 999S (2003)

NHTSA CAMPAIGN ID Number : 04V585000

Component: SERVICE BRAKES, HYDRAULIC:FOUNDATION COMPONENTS:HOSES, LINES/PIPING, AND FITTINGS

Summary: ON CERTAIN MOTORCYCLES, THE FRONT BRAKE HOSE CAN BECOME TRAPPED BETWEEN THE LOWER STEERING FLANGE AND THE STEERING LOCK PEG WHEN THE VEHICLE IS CORNERING.

Consequence: THIS CONDITION COULD CAUSE A LOSS OF FRONT BRAKE FLUID PRESSURE AND DAMAGE TO THE BRAKE HOSE, WHICH COULD RUPTURE CAUSING FRONT BRAKE FAILURE. THIS COULD RESULT IN A CRASH.

Remedy: DEALERS WILL INSTALL A RETAINING CLIP ON THE FRONT BRAKE HOSE. THE RECALL IS EXPECTED TO BEGIN DURING DECEMBER 2004. OWNERS SHOULD CONTACT DUCATI AT 1-408-253-0499.

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Phil and Angel of Death Valley

>> Sunday, December 19, 2004

Cyril May, an Australian born song writer and musician now living in Long Beach, California, recently released an album of tunes entitled, "Off the Beaten Track" which includes a couple songs about riding a Harley Davidson out on the open roads.

"Phil" is a song about a hog rider who meets his fate on the road colliding into a herd of sheep. Phil goes to Heaven on his Harley where he meets St. Peter a little disturbed over the motor oil dripping on to his floor. But he quickly notices the hog and says, "You've got a hog, boy, so ride right in."

"Angel of Death Valley" is about riding a Harley through Death Valley.

The songs on "Off the Beaten Track" seem to have a folksy sound, with some country and rock-a-billy mixed in. If you'd like to hear some samples of Cyril's songs, visit his website at: http://www.cyrilmay.com. His CD costs just $12.00 and you can get ordering information from his website.

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New Road Rage Website Reports Driving Conditions

>> Friday, December 17, 2004

The folks at MonkeyMeter.com have announced the official launch of their website. Monkey Meter fields road rage reports from the general public, and then provides driving conditions all of the large cities in America.

So far, being new, it doesn't provide much data. But it could end up becoming an useful tool if enough people use it daily.

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Harley Davidson Launches New Website for Women Riders

>> Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Harley DavidsonHarley launched a special section on its website just for women called, "Women and Motorcycling".

The section was created in response to a growing number of women buying and riding motorcycles. The new section includes stories from women about their riding experience, tutorials on how to ride safely, and a history of women riders.

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NADAGuides Announces Motorcycle Pricing Guide

>> Tuesday, December 14, 2004

NADA Car Pricing GuideNADAGuides.com announced today that it has launched a new motorcycle building and pricing tool at its website.

The tool gives online shoppers the ability to select various new motorcycle makes, models and trims. Once they've made their selection, a detailed specification and price list is provided, complete with MSRP, engine type, transmission type, brake and tire information, as well as additional specifications and features. The tool also allows consumers to compare new motorcycles side-by-side, with pricing and specification information of each motorcycle displayed simultaneously. Plus, the configuration capability lets shoppers build their ideal motorcycles.

Shoppers interested in building, pricing and comparing new motorcycles side-by-side can click on the "Motorcycles" tab at the NADAguides.com website and then they can click on the "Go" button in the "Build your Motorcycle" section of the motorcycles home page.

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17th Annual Sun Run a Success

>> Friday, December 10, 2004

Over 30,000 motorcycle enthusiasts swarmed the streets of Ft Lauderdale for a weekend of festivities at the Fort Lauderdale Bike Week 17th Annual Sun Run. The party weekend kicked off with attractions, expos, custom bikes, charity events, and others. The event was sponsored by TRIMSPA, the maker of weight-loss supplements.

The Seminole Hard Rock® Casino and Hotel was a hot spot as it played host to the Miss Hawaiian Tropic® Pageant. TRIMSPA's own Mandy Thron took first place in the Pageant and earned a $400 prize. In addition, the Hotel entertained the 2004 Hard Rock Bike Builders, featuring custom bike builders Eddie Trotta, Cory Ness, Chica, and Kendall Johnson. Also on display were custom made bikes such as TRIMSPA's "Race Car" Bike, built by Orange County Choppers™.

The Bikers Bash 2004, held on Saturday, proved a smashing fund-raising success for the Boys and Girls Club as the silent auction raised a substantial amount for the group. Items such as a Shane Hmiel's autographed #32 TRIMSPA Dodge NASCAR hood fetched as much as $1000 for the charity.

The 4-day extravaganza climaxed when legendary artists Steven Tyler of Aerosmith and Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi led motorcycle enthusiasts in the 17th Annual SFPC Christmas Toys in the Sun Run benefiting the Joe DiMaggio Children's Hospital Foundation.

For pictures from the Ft. Lauderdale Bike Week, including photos of Steven Tyler of Aerosmith and Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi, log onto http://www.trimspapr.com.

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Wicked Women Choppers

>> Wednesday, December 08, 2004

The Shady LadyIf you haven't heard Wicked Women Choppers, perhaps you will be hearing more of them in the near future. The chopper company is owned and operated by a lady, Christine Vaughn, of Herrin, Illinois, who designs, fabricates, and builds the bikes herself.

Visit Wicked Women Choppers online at: http://www.wickedwomenchoppers.com/

Last July she unveiled the first chopper produced by her company, the "Shady Lady", a bike designed to fit needs of a woman. Keeping in mind that the average woman is 5'5" tall, the Shady Lady’s drop-seat frame lowers the seating position while maintaining ground clearance and full range function of the rear suspension. That level of detail is carried out throughout the design.

The Shady Lady is powered by a Polished 96" S&S Motor with an optional 107" and 113" motors. Power is transferred to the rear wheel using a Rivera-Primo enclosed primary belt drive then through a 6-speed right-side-drive transmission. For connecting to the road, a 250/40 X 18" Avon Rear Tire is matched with a 120/70 X 21" Front Tire both mounted on RC Components "Wolverine" Chrome Billet Wheels, 8 1/2" on the rear and 3 1/2" on the front. Christine used the wider 120/70 on the front as opposed to the more common 90/90 to improve the bike's handling through corners.

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Biker News Online

This is my Biker Blog. I created this because for one, I like to create stuff, and two because I like to ride my cycle around and talk about it. But three because publishing websites is something that I do for a living, and this is just gives me an opportunity to get in on another niche.

I spend a lot of time pouring over news, press releases, and articles written by thousands of people, everyday. And every once in a while I see some stuff about motorcycles. So, when I find something interesting, I'll mention it here.

And you'll even see me vent about this or that from time to time.

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About Steve

Southern California-based affiliate marketer, blogger, beer drinker, and founder of the HeatWave Riding Club. Been riding since 1985.

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